You Need to Be Rejected (6 Reasons Why)

Generally, there is a don’t-ask-me-cuz-I’m-not-gone-tell-you rule. You cannot expect to know the other person’s motives, whereabouts, and thoughts about the future. This almost certainly builds a foundation of distrust. If either person wants more out of the relationship, that person, guy or girl, is mislabeled ‘needy’ or ‘clingy.’ The relationship never reaches a point where it needs to be defined because it has no clear direction from the beginning. But for most, pretending to be nonchalant about someone you’re romantically investing in, gets old and exhausting real fast. 2) You make yourself and/or someone else, your convenience and not a priority One huge piece of the equation in friends with benefits is the lack of commitment. Physical intimacy + no commitment= Friends with Benefits.fling dater Ironically, although it’s in the title, friendship is not even a necessary piece of the puzzle. The two people in the FWB have NO obligation of spending quality time together or dating one another exclusively. This no-strings-attached relationship ensures the other person never owes you an explanation for anything, including who else they may be dating, when they may see you next, etc… And because there’s no real commitment to the other person and no real expectations (other than to do the ‘horizontal cupid shuffle’), you inevitably become the other person’s convenience and not their priority; because, in reality, we often give higher priority to the things, people, and relationships we are committed to. On the flip side of that, I know making a person a convenience and not a priority appeals to some people. I challenge that group to examine why in essence, they want to selfishly use someone else because of their own mere physical gratification and eventually move on. 3) We aren’t wired for it emotionally or spiritually Our culture tells us that our sexual desires need to be immediately satiated just like our other bodily desires. If you’re hungry, then you eat. If you’re thirsty, then you drink. If you’re itchy, then you scratch.

If you’re horny, then you have sex. As much as Hollywood may tell us that sex is just a physical act, deep down we know it’s much more than that. Whether we realize it or not, sex is conjoining: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s no wonder that after two people have sex their feelings and thoughts towards one another dramatically change. Scientific research supports this, in that our bodies release hormones during sex (Oxytocin) that strengthen the social and emotional bond. I’ve learned there is little to no romance or emotional fulfillment in a friendship with benefits. 4) You cloud your ability to see your own personal worth Whether you realize it or not, you deserve someone who is willing to commit to you, to be vulnerable with you, and to set expectations with you. You deserve to be a priority. At the end of every friends with benefits relationship, someone usually ends up hurt… It may or may not be you, but it ALWAYS ends in disappointment. I say these things confidently after having been in a FWB in my second year of college. I selfishly and naively believed I could somehow benefit from one. It ended with me being hurt and ruined any potential genuine friendship that could have developed. Now half a decade later, I’m currently in a committed relationship with both of us intentionally pursuing marriage. I’ve learned authentic friendship is vulnerable, and the joys of a romantic relationship are rooted in love and commitment Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating, Relationships, Tips & Advice Tagged in: friends with benefits, fwb One of the things that definitely has changed and is changing my mind set in life, is staying in a state of appreciation. Appreciation for the NOW!  Whatever is happening right now is perfect!  There’s some – thing in every-thing to appreciate, if you are actually committed to appreciate rather than desecrate or destroy! We women, have the tendency…, on occasion…, to do just that – desecrate, destroy, kill, smother, blow up, cast out, curse out, put out, or just “out” the men in our lives. I am sure men reading this can recall time or two when they have been all kinds of bastards, m*th*r f*ck*rs, sons a b*tches, etc. by a woman, or gaggle of women, who just thought you were a piece of trash over something you did or didn’t do, the way she wanted it done, when she wanted it done. So for all the men out there, I want to dedicate this article to you. I want to let you know that at least one woman out there appreciates you for just being a man.  That’s right! I simply want to acknowledge all of the people on the planet with a Y chromosome, for having the good fortune to be born with something dangling between their legs.  So let’s start there shall we? 1)      I appreciate a man’s penis.

Ask the Urban Dater: The Neighbor John Syndrome

  I had a woman in one of my seminars recently.  I always start by asking women what they appreciate about men.  It puts their minds and hearts in a receptive place concerning men and opens them to the possibility that men are in reality great!  And men are really great!  This particular women volunteers and starts off by saying she appreciates “the penis.”  Well of all the responses I was expecting, any particular one blew me away – no pun intended.  And what was so great about it is that every other woman nodded their head.  We all appreciated the penis.  No one made any comments about size, shape, color, prowess in the utilization of the penis.  They simply appreciated “the penis”.https://topadultreview.com/ It was great! It was one of the few times, I’ve been around women where size didn’t matter. It was a statement of fact.  We women, appreciate “the penis”. 2)      I appreciate being taken care of by a man.

  I appreciate it when I am in need of something to be done – anything from getting my car fixed to a kind word – he does it.  He doesn’t wait to be asked, he just steps in and handles it. I enjoy that!  It’s an amazing feeling to be cared for by a man.  Whether he’s my father, a friend, or lover. Nothing beats being taken care of by a man who steps in and steps up and does what is needed when it is needed. Pages: 1 2 3 Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook6Tweet0Pin0 Pages: 1 2 3 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, For Men, For Women, Relationships This the phone Young Joc used to tell y’all where “it’s Goin Down.” Free Bar Crowd-Rating iPhone and Android App Now Shows Gender Ratios, Check-In Volume New York, NY (October 18, 2011) – Liquid Fare, Inc., a New York-based mobile app development company, today announced the newest version of its flagship Liquid Fare app, featuring realtime Foursquare integration. The free app is available on iPhone and Android and allows users to find local bars, lounges and clubs in terms of age, style, attractiveness and size of the crowd. These crowdsourced ratings are now supplemented by Foursquare data that shows volume of current check-ins and typical gender ratios of each bar’s crowd. Designed to act as “nightlife radar,” Liquid Fare is a free, easy and fun way for people to find a local watering hole with the type of crowd they desire. The app takes the guesswork out of nightlife by overlaying realtime and historical Foursquare data on top of its proprietary rating system. The app can be used by people of any gender or sexual orientation and its innovative features allow users to: Monitor typical gender ratios at nightlife hotspots See which bars are buzzing with realtime Foursquare check-ins Submit or review ratings of hotspots considering age group, style, and attractiveness Instantly see ratings of bars nearby using their smartphone’s GPS Search for bars in a specific zip code or area See where bars rank in their city considering their score Check in on Foursquare directly through the Liquid Fare app Share submitted ratings instantly via Facebook With Liquid Fare, bar patrons will never have to be disappointed by their city’s nightlife again. It can be downloaded free of charge for iPhone or Android at LiquidFare.com. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: News Tagged in: foursquare, liquid fare In the modern world of dating, even with the avid use and variety of dating apps available today, there’s still an old-fashioned mindset common among men — this is the notion that a woman can’t be taken seriously if she embraces her sexual freedom and has had more than a handful of sexual partners. She’s considered to be easy and cheap; she’s not “good enough” to even be considered as relationship material, significantly less earn the title of wife. Men are still free to sleep with as many women as they please, all while getting accolades from their friends for the “body count” they’ve amassed. As a woman that is honest and verbal about enjoying sex, with a desire to have a variety of such enjoyable experiences, I’ve witnessed the backlash mentioned above. The scales are so unfairly out of balance. Should I keep quiet about my love for sex or be considered too promiscuous, labeled, judged and not made to be marriage material? What man wants to have sex with a woman who isn’t enjoying herself or doesn’t have the experience to provide him with fantastic sex? Just because I possess a vagina I must be virgin-esque and pure?

Two Reasons You’re Always in The Friendzone

These are the questions that crept up in my mind if the double standard topic fell in my lap and became a significant topic of discussion. The double standard bothered me, and it irritated me. I started to investigate and do my research. I went to men in my life who I knew would be able to discuss the topic openly and honestly. From exes to platonic friends and even men I was currently dating. Some of the explanations for the double standard were very sad; some were clearly influenced by environment and upbringing. One man told me that a woman should have few partners because her body can carry children and shouldn’t be “damaged”, it should be preserved for the health of childbearing.

Another told me that he didn’t feel a woman who had multiple sexual partners would be able to take him seriously and had a higher potential of hurting him. Then, another told me that he couldn’t bear the thought of his woman being with other men. The answers to the question seemed to bring up even more profound issues. Are we truly not in touch with ourselves sexually, even in this day and age? As I continued to do my homework and truly understand this topic, I came across answers that made perfect sense. Many years ago, I started my college career as a psychology major. That career never came to fruition, but I have spent my whole life learning, in one form or fashion, about human psychology. I find that to be one of the most fascinating things in life.

The most unbiased answers, to the double standard questioning, came from an extremely experienced woman and a man I consider to be very successful, direct and real. Their answers were nearly identical. Male ego, plain and simple. The typical male ego is indeed sensitive, and that is why the double standard exists in the first place. My mind comprehended this idea almost instantly. At the same time, the simple complexity of this theory made me sad. Why is our society set up in such a way that men feel that ego is what makes them more of a man? This brought up a lot of questions, perhaps for a future article. In the meantime, I believe our bodies, male and female alike, were designed to enjoy sex. I think if we are being safe and not hurting anyone, including ourselves, sex should be freeing and enjoyable. Without stigma. I had no idea the double standard would turn out to be so complex. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: #double standard #misogany #sex #dating #relationships Being a woman means that we value our beauty and our outward appearance dramatically.

The reflection we see in the mirror can affect our entire day if we’re not happy with how we are representing ourselves to others. Our mood can change seasonally with how we want our style to reflect our mood. We may purchase new pieces of clothing or change shades of nail polish occasionally, but the major factor that pulls it all together is our hair. It’s not enough though for most women to feel beautiful for themselves, no. Even if we don’t admit it, we want gratification from others and if you’re a single woman you want that gratification from prospects. You want to be seen as attractive and wanted. Many may not admit it, but they fear to do a “Big Chop” thinking that they’ll look like a boy or masculine. Or maybe they fear that they won’t attract the reverse sex…I’m here to set the record straight. It was Winter 2013 when I decided to start wearing my hair in a short nineties toni Braxton bob. I kept getting the itch to cut it shorter and shorter. I kept switching up my hairstyles, but the maintenance and upkeep of short relaxed hair were not only wearing on my pockets but time-consuming. I had enough of sitting for hours in the hair salon and decided one day just to walk into a barber shop and have it all buzzed off. By Winter 2014 I had a new lease on life, and it was the most freeing decision I’ve ever made. Every person told me I looked great with it, and I fell in love with the newest look immediately. Looking back on those pictures, I did have some work to do; learning my curl pattern, products for my natural hair type and what cuts worked best to frame my face. The ultimate test though was finding out how this new “me” would affect my dating life.

As my hair started to grow in, I began to receive more attention than I’d ever received in my relaxed hair state. I can’t say it’s because I looked better natural, although I believe I do, because I felt more like myself and my confidence had gone through the roof overnight without me even knowing it. I’d get messages here and there online from men asking me what made me decide to cut off all my hair. ( Not that they had any clue whether or not I’d been short all my life) I tell them that this is who I am, and I don’t feel I have to hide behind mounds of hair to feel good about myself. I also get messages, glares, or even stopped by a gentleman in the street who address me as confident, beautiful, and assertive. I’ve received far more compliments from males saying that they admire the boldness that a woman has to pull off a look that many are afraid to risk than criticism. All in all, it has been a struggle, though. There haven’t always been good days. I did try to grow out my natural hair twice in an attempt to see its true length potential and also to gauge if I would receive more attention from prospects. I saw no difference. I’m able to say though that the most attention comes when I feel my best, and that’s been a fact. I have found that I’m happiest when my hair is lowly buzzed, and my face is free bearing to the world. I have been with partners who have appreciated me either way, but a real partner will enjoy your beauty when authentic and not forced. So at the end of the day be yourself, find what makes you happy, and love will follow. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook15Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: For Women Tagged in: Dating, Dating & Relationships, Natural hair and dating I’m desperately seeking Susan. Wow! Hell of a title!! That’s a lot of shit to have happen in such a short spell of time, huh? I’ve been waiting for Flikdate for months now, when I heard about them through the tech grapevine. Today they launched. And I went on two dates on the site. Kinda crazy.

Kinda cool. Kinda like it… A lot. Now, this is not a full review… Yet. That’s still to come. Needless to say I’m impressed aided by the polish of the app and the take on dating the Flikdate people have taken. After all, let’s face it (this is for you women out there) you know pretty quickly, within minutes, if not seconds, if you’re into a guy or not. Attraction is there or it isn’t. I think that’s where Flikdate has put down a claim and said: “Hey, no one wants to waste time. You, guy, you go speak to girl. Girl, you talk back.

You like, you win. You never, you flik.” How very cave man of me, huh? Anyway, I’m looking forward to trying this app out some more this week and seeing what’s what with it. This is the next evolution of dating, peeps. A couple quick hits to note: First off, it works and works really well. Imagine that! Suck it, OkCupid and your bastard Crazy Blind Date App! Free app for iOS and Android You will get 25 dates that last 90 seconds each, daily. You can buy more using their in-app currency. For you Craiglisting Penis Pic sending sons-o-bitches, you can get perma-banned for nudity. Be yourself and have fun. I did. I got passed on. Twice. =( Try it out, folks.

What do you all think? Leave a comment below and share your initial thoughts on your experience! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook25Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Featured I know how you feel, always seeing your friends chatting to women and having a good time, whether it’s on a night out or in work, friends and colleagues always seem to be enjoying themselves around women. Well now it’s your turn, here I want to discuss some top tips to enjoy women’s company, flirt and seek out feel good responses from those of the reverse sex. However, first things first, just because you want to up your flirting game you can’t just expect or assume that every woman wants attention. One of the first steps or lessons to learn, even if you learn the hard way with a slap across the face is that reading body language and facial signs will be crucial. By gauging her response to your flirting will provide you with a platform to either continue and gain confidence or smile and walk away. If she’s is smiling, making eye contact, playing with her hair or her shoulders turn towards you more often than not then she may well feel comfortable and you are on safe ground to continue. However, if she looks disinterested or even bored, her body language such as shoulders or crossed legs might be facing away from you then stay polite, wish her a good day and retreat. You may think you haven’t got any skills, or any tools to flirt with women and your mates have everything they need to be good with the ladies. Well, listen here, I’m able to guarantee that you currently hold the most powerful tool used for flirting, and possess this…your smile! Whether a woman is flirting with a guy or another woman over the course of their lesbian dating phase, then the tools used are just similar.

Guys remember, a pleasant, natural and unforced smile sends the right signals and may put a woman at ease. If she responds to this by smiling back, then she is also sending you positive messages. The smile is a safe and harmless technique that doesn’t affect your confidence or social status in a situation. A smile at someone won’t be noticed by others around you, so if your smiles are not reciprocated then you have not lost anything, you’re not embarrassed, and you can quickly move on to the next smile and eye contact with someone else. Again another tool that can be used by men and women, on men or women is the odd compliment, but I know what you’re thinking…not too many! Over-complimenting, a lady, can come across as desperation and seek personal reassurance as you expect a compliment back.